Taking the Family of God Seriously

The following article was originally published over at Equip Your Community. Equip is a Christian non-profit which seeks to help church leaders better serve those who are sexual minorities. If you’d like to learn more about Equip, check out their website and subscribe to their newsletter!

Guest post at Equip exploring the meaning of spiritual family and it's impact on celibate gay Christians.

Taking the Family of God Seriously

Celibate gay Christians are frustrated. And not for the reasons you might expect.

Consider how the average congregation revolves around marriage and family. Husband, wife, children — they all sit together as a “family unit.” Couples cluster up two-by-two. If a guy and a girl sit beside each other, it’s because they’re an “item.” Church leaders frequently teach that marriage is the most important earthly relationship, and people commonly say that after your relationship with God, spouse and family should always come first.

But in a world where marriage and family monopolize our love, Christians have little to offer people whose lives don’t fit the “marriage and family” model. When Christians invite believers — gay or straight — into a context where the most normative form of love happens to be the nuclear family, they reinforce the message that celibate people, and in particular gay celibate people, don’t deserve to have love. You might as well invite a child into an ice cream parlor but give him a bottle of water. No kid would be happy with that arrangement.

But that’s the arrangement that so many celibate gay Christians must navigate. And while a great number of straight Christians struggle with the challenges of long-term singleness, most of the straight Christians I know assume they will get married and aren’t interested in settling down into singleness or investing in that possibility.

As much as Christians love to celebrate it, the nuclear family should not be the only expression of love in the church. Nor should it be the most meaningful. Biblical community suffers when Christians prioritize the nuclear family above the people of God.

In fact, healthy Christian community calls believers out of their families and into a new one. A spiritual family whose love for each other surpasses the love between spouses, parents, children, and siblings. Continue Reading…



The Love Language of Physical Touch in a Sexualized World

Speaking the love language of physical touch in a sexualized world is becoming increasingly stigmatized, especially for gays and lesbians.

In my recent post on physical touch between members of the same-sex, I mentioned something that deserves a bit of clarification. I said, “It might be easy for heterosexuals to rein in their affection and keep their ‘personal boundaries.’ But it’s hardly healthy. And for a gay person, it’s painful.”

Unfortunately, I didn’t do the best job at explaining what I meant. So let me see if I can explain my thoughts a little better. The obvious question is why would it be easy for straight people to forego same-sex physical affection but painful for gay people? If physical affection is a critical part of healthy same-sex friendships, shouldn’t it be painful for both?

To understand what I was getting at, you’ve got to put yourself into the shoes of a gay Christian and consider the requirements of traditional Christianity upon their life. Unless gay believers are willing to endure a heterosexual marriage and/or subject themselves to harmful conversion therapy techniques (which don’t work), they must completely forgo sexual affection. Period.

That’s the sacrifice that biblical celibacy demands. On the flipside, biblical celibacy should not demand a relational sacrifice that is greater. The celibate life is a life without sex but not a life without affection.

And therein lies the problem. more “The Love Language of Physical Touch in a Sexualized World”

There’s Nothing Sexual About Same-Sex Affection

The rise of gay people as a recognizable group is one of the most defining features of contemporary times. Historically-speaking, gays and lesbians emerged onto the social battlefield overnight. Go back 150 years, and they didn’t even exist as a recognizable category. Now? The LGBTQQIP2SAA umbrella includes not only gays and lesbians but also those who are bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, pansexual, of two spirits, asexual, and allies.

In the blink of an eye, these hitherto unknown people groups appeared on the pages of history like splotches of invisible ink. They were always there. So why didn’t we see them before? Why are they visible now? more “There’s Nothing Sexual About Same-Sex Affection”