07 Apr The End of Myself
It’s impossible for me to explain the kind of stress and pressure this job entails. I could not have imagined what it would be like, even if I went back in time and told myself every single gruesome detail. You just can’t understand until you’ve lived it, until you’ve experienced it yourself.
I’ve spent more lonely nights crying into my pillow than I normally spend in a year, and with the news that one of our kindergarten teachers was being transferred to a different school, my heart sank even lower. I could not imagine stuffing my classroom with 31 students.
“I can’t do this, God. I can’t do this.” The words stumble out in my prayers as desperate pleas for mercy. “God, I can’t do this.”
Teaching has brought me to the end of myself. It sounds strange to say this, but I’m glad. I needed this. I needed to be shown my limits. I needed to reach the end of my rope. I needed to learn a painful lesson. A lesson that will stick with me for the rest of my life. When you’ve gone as far as you can go, God will take you as far as He can go.
Is there any better place to be than the impossible? Is there any better weight to bear than the unbearable? When I do the possible, I act alone. When I take up the impossible, I act in the power of God. God is at work when things are impossible.
Lord, let me always be brought to the end of myself that I might know just how far you can take me. Place the unbearable upon my shoulders. Make my life a testimony of your power and not my own. Let me reach the end of my life and look back upon a history of your great works, not mine. Set the impossible before me, and let no question remain that you are the one at work in my life. You. And you alone.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Nothing is too difficult for you. Make your strength perfect in my weakness.
from October 29, 2012