09 Jul Timidity
[I’m veering away, a little bit, from the “end of the matter” theme with this post, but I pretty much couldn’t help myself. I found this “poem” of sorts scribbled in one of my old notebooks the other day, and couldn’t believe I had forgotten all about it up until a few days ago. I thought it might be worthwhile sharing on my blog, so here it is!]
Timidity crawls in the shadows,
not wanting to be seen or heard.
She quietly flows with the hustle and bustle,
not wanting to stick out.
She does not care what she is doing
as long as she is never noticed.
When I wrote this, I was fourteen years old and passionately struggling against numerous fears and anxieties that wanted to hold me back from taking steps forward – fear of man especially. I could feel myself being tied down by the world, tied down and stuffed into a little box called “Acceptance.” In other words, my desire to be “accepted” was keeping me from living for God. And when I realized this, I knew that something had to change. I knew that if I ever wanted to be of any use in this world, I could not let my fears – however strong they may be – dictate my life.
So I wrote this little “poem” (if it can be called that) to describe the kind of person I did not want to become but would become if I allowed my fears to box me in. “Timidity crawls in the shadows” – Do I want to be the one cowering in darkness or the one that is shining her light in dark places? “Not wanting to be seen or heard” – If I am never seen or heard, then how will I ever give testimony to God’s love and grace? “She quietly flows with the hustle and bustle, not wanting to stick out” – As a Christian, I am called to flow against the tide of the world, not with it. “She does not care what she is doing as long as she is never noticed” – How will I ever make a difference in the world if the only thing I care about is not being noticed?
I never wrote anything to describe the kind of person I did want to become because I already knew that I should be striving to be like Christ – and in my house, I can read about him just about anywhere I look! I wanted this poem to serve as a reminder to me every time I was tempted to just timidly “blend in” with the rest of the world. I wanted myself to read this and say, “No! That is not who I am, and it is not who I want to be!” I want to be like Christ, and no amount of fear, worry, or anxiety will keep me from following him.